The Prisoner's Dilemma
The prisoner’s dilemma supposes a hypothetical where upon co-operation, two parties are able to mutually benefit each other by choosing to “split” a reward. Upon one party deciding to “steal”, the mutual benefits are directed only to one party, leaving the other one with nothing.
A situation like this is not uncommon to be presented with in your day to day life. You can choose to not return money someone lent you, to cut someone off in traffic, or to tell a secret someone entrusted with you in order to gain a promotion at work. These situations seem to benefit you in the short term.
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A computer simulation ran hundreds of different strategies and pitted them against each other. Only splitting, only stealing, randomly choosing, interchanging, and pretty much any variation you could conceive of. The best strategy with the highest yield was to default to splitting, but when the other party chose to steal, the algorithm would start to mimic their previous choice.
If the prisoner’s dilemma is often reflected in our day to day choices and interpersonal dynamics, which I believe to be true, then this means that the best “strategy” for going about our life would follow that algorithm.
For example. If a friend betrays your trust by telling a secret to others, you are not obliged to maintain a relationship of that level with them. If you are someone that is worth having this kind of a relationship with, then depriving someone else of that chance is a punishment in and of itself. Through the isolation and platonic destitution experienced by this friend, they may reflect and find that they betrayed your trust and want to earn it back. They may choose to apologise.
In which case, you should choose to forgive them, as you two move forward into a more fruitful friendship with bonds that broke apart and healed stronger with more security.
However, there may be a behavioural pattern that arises due to underlying psychological or interpersonal issues that leads to repetition of this damaging behaviour. In which case, you may choose to not amend this relationship, to the detriment of this friend and the benefit of yourself. Treat others with respect, and try to mutually benefit through your interactions.
When given a reason to, you don’t necessarily have to turn the other cheek. You can act in a way that places your needs first. But if they show that they are capable of change and reflection, forgive them. This is because to forgive is to positively reinforce positive behaviour on a personal scale.
In life, try not to be the reason someone chooses to steal. Try to be the reason someone chooses to split.
